When I Say I Love You LokiSif
by fridamoonbeam
Summary: Feelings can only be hidden so long, even the ones we try to make ourselves forget. ((A semi prequel fic to 'Reflections During Morning Sickness' and semi Sequel to 'I'll Cover You'))


**_((A semi prequel fic to 'Reflections During Morning Sickness' and semi Sequel to 'I'll Cover You'))_**

_Sif sat there crying as her gold hair was scattered in the dirt. Her head was as naked as a __baby. An older boy had shaved her head, saying that if she wanted to be a boy then she __would look like one. She was just trying to have fun, she didn't think she'd make people so __mad by playing with the boys instead of girls. They played games she thought were a lot __more fun to her. Sif wasn't trying to make anyone angry, and now her hair was gone._

_"Sif! Sif!" he friend called and waved to her._

_Sif hugged her knees tighter to her front, not wanting anyone to see her like this. _

_"I can get your hair back."_

_"What are you talking about Loki, he cut it."_

_"No, I got a way from mother's book."_

_"You can do that?" _

_"Yes, and I can use my hair..."_

Sif woke up in the night, rubbing her forehead she wasn't sure why her mind would travel to such a distant memory. Loki had grown her hair back after some oaf had shaved her head when she was at play. It was dark like his, a fact she'd forgotten for many years, or buried in her mind. She ran her hands through her darks strands, the hair they shared... No, she understood why her mind went to that place, and it was because there was no denying now.

She loved the trickster.

He'd saved her life recently and for the life of her she was positive it was out of ill intent. Loki wouldn't have saved her unless it was for his own gain. Though she spoke to Thor and he said Loki was never supposed to leave camp, and was risking being thrown in the dungeon permanently for going against orders, but Loki felt so strongly that Sif was in danger. He lied about where he was going and why, though Thor was persistent to the truth and came to her with it. So Loki was in love with her after all. This thought would have made her want to vomit not long ago, but now, now it was coming together. He was still the trickster, but after the battle with Malekith there was something different in him. Or more of who he used to be. The two didn't speak after the ordeal, mostly passing each other as if the other was a ghost. She didn't know what to do with herself, outside of training and she was positive he hadn't the faintest idea of what to do with himself. Sif wasn't one to confront her emotions often, but after centuries it took time to understand Loki. She stepped out of her bed and decided to walk through the halls.

Loki let a sigh escape his lips as he stood on the ladder in the library. Sleep refused to take him as he seethed with anger at Thor. It wasn't the typical jealously that he'd come to know so well. This was from the confrontation from earlier in the week when the two spoke.

Thor wasn't the oaf or fool he assumed him as much of the time. He was able to see Loki's feelings for Sif.

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_"You love her, then you should let it be made known."_

_"Are you mad? Or just plain stupid? She doesn't want me, she never has wanted me. And even if she ever loved me I'd have to lie since I wouldn't be able to let people hate her the way they hate me. And they would."_

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It was the truth, loving Sif was what he had to bury within himself and not even fantasize on the matter. Wishing would only wound more. He was angry, Loki believed he was able to get over her. He told himself she was the enemy, she cut him down, called him the 'trickster', 'the liar'- whether he was guilty or not. There was no possibility of anything but disgust from her. The sickness of it was he cherished every gaze, every snide comment, because it was signs he was alive to her. But that was all she would ever know him as and there was nothing to fully bring change.

"Loki?"

A voice interrupted him, and his head whirled to see Sif in the chamber entrance.

"Sif?What are you doing wandering the halls?"

"I had trouble sleeping, and what of you?" Sif asked approaching him, feeling closer to a very dangerous place.

"No tricks if that's what you're accusing me of." Loki said flatly, telling her he was in no mood for her accusations.

She narrowed her eyes at him, and his tone. "Then what are you doing?"

"Nothing of consequence to you."

"I think you're lying."

"Accusing me of lying? Not an original stance, Sif."

"Loki, stop being a child. I need to speak to you... The frost pit, why did you come back for me?" Sif thought since it was already heated then might as well get to what she wanted to know since people were their most honest when they were angry, not happy.

"Let you freeze? I think that would have doubled my sentence."

"The real reason. Thor told me how you left when you weren't supposed to."

"Thor." Loki's nostrils repeating his brother's name. "What else did he say?" Loki was going to squelch any doubt in her mind, if his brother did in fact expose him to her.

"Loki..." Sif began walking around him once, twice, three times. "I'll be direct, since holding it inside is making my head spin- Do you love me?"

"What?" Loki's mouth hung open, not expecting it, but he could not help but blame Thor for betraying his trust.

"Do you love me?" Sif repeated, wanting him to say it.

"Sif, you shouldn't have come here." Loki said looking for an excuse. He knew he mind was tired and lame to come up with something better at the moment.

"I'm not leaving till I have an answer." Sif stood her ground in front of the God of Mischief, looking into his green orbs. His eyes normally seemed so cunning, right now they could have belonged to a child.

"No." Loki said, though it was a complete lie, but the truth would have been much worse to expose.

"That's a lie. But this is not." Sif leaned in and pressed her mouth to his, finding he held no resistance as their lips met. It was brand new and like something she'd been aching for at the same time. Warm, feverish and hungrily wanting more. When they finally parted Sif held the back of his neck. "I love you, Loki."

His eyes went dark. "No." he shook his head looking at her. "No, you do not get to do this, Sif."

"What do you mean?" Sif asked baffled by his anger.

"Oh you know what I mean! All these years you've looked at me with nothing but disgust, and every opportunity that came to call you sliced me. 'The Liar', 'The Trickster', 'The Mischief Maker' and now you're singing a different song?"

"You did lie! You did deceive! It was how I came to know you!" Sif said infuriated he just ignored that she'd cut her heart open for him, and he was spitting on it.

"That's how you WANTED to know me. All the sudden I wasn't good enough to be your friend and then it became easy to blame me when it presented itself. You say you strived to be known for your skills and not that you're a woman. You did that, but your pride swallowed you. You _hated_ anything that wasn't like you. And here you are now, thinking you're so magnificent that you could even cure the darkness in me with your love. The mighty Sif- _Slayer of beasts_."

Sif wasn't often found speechless and every instinct she had told her to yell, thrash at his accusations and his harsh words. As much as Sif wanted to, she knew there was truth in his words. Loki made awful and selfish choices but was she really that blind to her own cruelty? Did she really miss how much she'd hurt him?

"I'm going to bed- your light burns my eyes." Loki turned without another response. He'd waited hundreds of years to pour that out to her, and now it was like a rotten tree being pulled out by the root. He was angry at her, but he wanted her to be angry at him. Loving him wasn't an option, no one could really feel that way for him. He tossed his thin covers over his body then settled under forcing his eyes closed trying to free his mind of any thought holding Sif.

_Smack!_

He jolted up and glared at her. "What was that for?"

"You are a stupid man!" Sif blasted standing above his bed. "I was bad to you, I never should have done half of what I did. I am sorry for that, I am sorry for ruining our friendship... But that doesn't let you off the hook! You can't blame me for how you chose to live." _Oh, no she was not done._ "And when I say I love you it is because it is the truth, not because of any mission. I'm loyal, but I don't love easy, and you are being a coward. You don't think I could love you that's why you're pushing me away." Sif let herself breathe for a moment then looked him over one last time. "That is the truth, you've taken my heart prisoner, much longer than I realized."

Loki was seething, as she berated him, and just as he was about to kick her out of his room (possibly throw her out) he registered that this was not like her normal rants towards him. This was to convince him that she wanted him. She wanted him. Lady Sif, his lady, wanted him.

Sif saw he was less angry, and upset, so she sat on his bed extending her hand towards his. "And now what of you?"

"The truth?" Loki asked letting his gaze drift from her offered hand back to her eyes.

She nodded, wanting it.

"I've loved you for a thousand years." he took the offered hand.

"That is the truth?"

"That is my absolute truth." he breathed, natural as the air he breathed. He loved her. The fact he could say it out loud was exhilarating, enthralling. Too much and not enough at once. This time Loki grasped the back of Sif's neck then brought her in for a kiss. Sif leaned in deeper, letting her instincts lead with her. After moments spent she crawled in with him for what remained of the night.

Sleep wouldn't come to either one.


End file.
